How to make HR "real" but not brutal

Nearly two weeks ago, Steve Tovey (@steevXII) challenged me to write a blog about the dark side of HR. His words to me were: "we need to talk about when HR needs to be Darth Vader not Luke Skywalker: you should write a post about it".

I agreed with him, often HR discourse focuses on the developmental and engaging side of working with people. Looking through my LinkedIn feed as I write this, I see articles about making your staff happy (@RogerFrancis1) and business coaching to get the right people into your business (@Stevie_Kidd). These are very important topics that need much time and thought, but it is rare to see blog posts on how to handle the potential end of an employment contract.

Despite this, the "dark" side of HR is ever present. As HR professionals, there will be numerous times in our career (and sometimes numerous times in one day) that we will have to deliver bad news to people, or support a line manager to do so.  And the likelihood is that we, as individual HR professionals, will also be on the receiving end of bad news at some point in our careers.

So it is important that we deliver this news humanely. And this is what I want to talk about in this blog post. I will leave discussions of the nuances of employment law and process to those far more expert than me. Instead, I will concentrate on “how to be real without being brutal":

1.    Put yourself in their shoes: This is the most important point. Remember, this is worse for them than it is for you. Unless once you are finished with everyone else, you are making yourself redundant as well. Then, it possibly might be worse for you! Although it will look great on your CV.

2.    What do they know? Often as HR professionals and leaders, we are privy to much more information about the subject of the meeting (whether it is a disciplinary accusation or a restructure business case). Lay this information out, simply and clearly. Why did this situation come about? What is likely to happen next? Don’t assume they know, check.

3.    What do they feel? While it is important to be objective, we shouldn’t hide behind a process or a role. The person who sits in front of you is just that: a person with feelings. Simply acknowledging that this is hard for them and that you will do what it is in your power not to make it harder can make the world of difference to someone, especially when followed by tangible action. Counter-intuitively, I have found that acknowledging emotions at the start of any meeting makes the overall meeting less emotional. 

4.    What do they think? It is important to remember there is a gap between what you think you said and what they think they heard. As you deliver bad news to someone, they will have their own narrative in their mind about what you are saying. The same is true of what they think they say to you and what you think you have heard. Summarise back to them what you are taking away from what they have said and ask them to do the same. Make sure you are both clear.

5.    What might they do? Having been given bad news by their employer, most people would talk to friends and family, research their rights on the internet and possibly speak to a lawyer or trade union. Some will cry. Some will be angry. These are all reasonable reactions. Give them time to process and do what you can to help them retain their dignity. If you’ll be giving them a good reference, tell them this. If you wish them the best for the future, say this too.

Have I missed anything? What has worked for you? Please share your learning below!

Let’s be real, but not brutal in our HR practice. We live in a world with too much change not to.

Disclaimer: I have borrowed the phrase “real not brutal” from Gill Taylor, a speaker at this week's @NCVO HR conference. I couldn’t find her on twitter, thus didn’t reference above, but her website is: http://www.gilltaylor.org.uk.